Bullying
This has to be one of the hardest blogs for me to write,it will bring
back so many unpleasant memories which i have tried not to think about
for such a long time,i hope that anyone and everyone who reads this
blog will take the positive and not the negative.
This blog is all about bullying and being bullied and my own
experiences of being bullied,i guess i have to go back over 40 years
to when i was first bullied mainly because of my build and size i was
never that tall and quite skinny when i was a kid,i was probably small
and skinny for my age even upto the age of 13 when i had a growth
spurt but mainly upwards and not out i never could bulk up and even to
this day i am complimented on how slim i am.
My first experience was when i started boys brigade and used to go
swimming on a friday evening i have never been a strong swimmer and
just wanted to enjoy my time in the pool,but boys see a smaller
younger boy as an easy target but it was not just other boys there
were other people there who acted as supervisors who would bully in
one way or another,my biolgical mum Dorothy never knew i was being
bullied and am not sure she would have believed me even if i had told
her,my other mum Janet after what we have talked about i am convinced
she knew the truth and if had her way she would have done whatever it
took to stop me beig bullied,even inviting a couple of the botys who
were doing the bullying to my birthday party didn't make much
difference onc we were back at boys brigade the bullying would start
again,i resented going everytime and didn't enjoy myself as much as
Dorothy thought i did maybe the saddest part was some of the bullying
was done by family namely cousins who were also in the same company as
me.
Being in the junior compnay of the boys brigade was hard enough being
so young and not rerally knowing it was wrong but then going up into
the seniors was even worse,i was still smaller and skinnier than every
other boy in the seniors and now the were older boys my cousins were
still there but things just got harder for me.Junior school for me was
kind of nice my sisters were at the same school and i did make friends
and Andy Darren and Diane were at the same school at the same time and
we were in our own little group especially out of school we played
alot of sports from the usual Football,Cricket,Tennis to riding bikes
and playing hide and seek,there were plenty of happy times and not all
bad.
Moving up to Comprehensive school was so very different i had to
endure being bullied whilst at boys brigade which now was in the
seniors went to twice aweek mondays and thursday and bullied at school
as well my childhood was not the happiest timer ever,made even worse
by the fact that iwasd a girl growing up in a boys body and didn't fit
in i just didnt know i was what we now know as transgender there was
no-one at school who i felt i could talk to or explain how i felt i
certainly couldn't talk to Dorothy ort my dad as this was
pre-transplant and he was still to be feared back then,i tried to deal
with bullying the best i could and i never told anyone till now so yes
i tried to deal with it on my own and in my own way which was keeping
quiet and not telling anyone. The bullying would take many forms from
being locked in a dark room at the boys brigade headquarters to being
put in the vaulting horse frightened to death that i would never get
out and feeling like i had been locked inside,the nasty names i had to
endure more days than not when at boys brigade were unpleasant the
bullying continued at school there were a couple of people who were in
the same boys brigade as me who just continued the bullying thru
school when i would be punched or kicked for no reason some
times,other times i never knew when to keep quiet and when pushed
would shout or lose my temper which lead to more bullying,even playing
football or rugby during school lessons gave bullies the opportunity
from nasty kicks or bad tackles or punched during rugby but being
kicked in the head or back when playing goalkeeper just for saving a
goal or stopping a shot should never be acceptable but always out of
the teachers vision,yes there were some quite dirty tackles in
football practice high studs or nasty kicks in the shins i must have
been blacked and blue nearly everytime i played football.
Thankfully there were some good things even little victories like the
jumble sales that were held in the headquarters every so often where i
would pick a nice skirt top or dress and shoes to hide away and wear
when i had the free time and the chance to,that was something that did
make me very happy and no-one within the boys brigade knew there were
other victories as well like saving a shot or a penalty but i always
bounced back and never gave in for me bullying is not and never will
be acceptable and now there are rules in place that would stop almost
everything i had to go thru,i have come thru the bad experiences a
happier stronger person.....even tho i went thru some unpleasant
experiences my love of football and love of playing goalkeeper still
remains and even tho i will be 50 next year i would still love to play
that position again one day in the not so distant future before i am
too old to play
lots of Love
ANGIE
XXXXX
back so many unpleasant memories which i have tried not to think about
for such a long time,i hope that anyone and everyone who reads this
blog will take the positive and not the negative.
This blog is all about bullying and being bullied and my own
experiences of being bullied,i guess i have to go back over 40 years
to when i was first bullied mainly because of my build and size i was
never that tall and quite skinny when i was a kid,i was probably small
and skinny for my age even upto the age of 13 when i had a growth
spurt but mainly upwards and not out i never could bulk up and even to
this day i am complimented on how slim i am.
My first experience was when i started boys brigade and used to go
swimming on a friday evening i have never been a strong swimmer and
just wanted to enjoy my time in the pool,but boys see a smaller
younger boy as an easy target but it was not just other boys there
were other people there who acted as supervisors who would bully in
one way or another,my biolgical mum Dorothy never knew i was being
bullied and am not sure she would have believed me even if i had told
her,my other mum Janet after what we have talked about i am convinced
she knew the truth and if had her way she would have done whatever it
took to stop me beig bullied,even inviting a couple of the botys who
were doing the bullying to my birthday party didn't make much
difference onc we were back at boys brigade the bullying would start
again,i resented going everytime and didn't enjoy myself as much as
Dorothy thought i did maybe the saddest part was some of the bullying
was done by family namely cousins who were also in the same company as
me.
Being in the junior compnay of the boys brigade was hard enough being
so young and not rerally knowing it was wrong but then going up into
the seniors was even worse,i was still smaller and skinnier than every
other boy in the seniors and now the were older boys my cousins were
still there but things just got harder for me.Junior school for me was
kind of nice my sisters were at the same school and i did make friends
and Andy Darren and Diane were at the same school at the same time and
we were in our own little group especially out of school we played
alot of sports from the usual Football,Cricket,Tennis to riding bikes
and playing hide and seek,there were plenty of happy times and not all
bad.
Moving up to Comprehensive school was so very different i had to
endure being bullied whilst at boys brigade which now was in the
seniors went to twice aweek mondays and thursday and bullied at school
as well my childhood was not the happiest timer ever,made even worse
by the fact that iwasd a girl growing up in a boys body and didn't fit
in i just didnt know i was what we now know as transgender there was
no-one at school who i felt i could talk to or explain how i felt i
certainly couldn't talk to Dorothy ort my dad as this was
pre-transplant and he was still to be feared back then,i tried to deal
with bullying the best i could and i never told anyone till now so yes
i tried to deal with it on my own and in my own way which was keeping
quiet and not telling anyone. The bullying would take many forms from
being locked in a dark room at the boys brigade headquarters to being
put in the vaulting horse frightened to death that i would never get
out and feeling like i had been locked inside,the nasty names i had to
endure more days than not when at boys brigade were unpleasant the
bullying continued at school there were a couple of people who were in
the same boys brigade as me who just continued the bullying thru
school when i would be punched or kicked for no reason some
times,other times i never knew when to keep quiet and when pushed
would shout or lose my temper which lead to more bullying,even playing
football or rugby during school lessons gave bullies the opportunity
from nasty kicks or bad tackles or punched during rugby but being
kicked in the head or back when playing goalkeeper just for saving a
goal or stopping a shot should never be acceptable but always out of
the teachers vision,yes there were some quite dirty tackles in
football practice high studs or nasty kicks in the shins i must have
been blacked and blue nearly everytime i played football.
Thankfully there were some good things even little victories like the
jumble sales that were held in the headquarters every so often where i
would pick a nice skirt top or dress and shoes to hide away and wear
when i had the free time and the chance to,that was something that did
make me very happy and no-one within the boys brigade knew there were
other victories as well like saving a shot or a penalty but i always
bounced back and never gave in for me bullying is not and never will
be acceptable and now there are rules in place that would stop almost
everything i had to go thru,i have come thru the bad experiences a
happier stronger person.....even tho i went thru some unpleasant
experiences my love of football and love of playing goalkeeper still
remains and even tho i will be 50 next year i would still love to play
that position again one day in the not so distant future before i am
too old to play
lots of Love
ANGIE
XXXXX
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