opening up

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I have been co-writing a biography with one of my best friends Andrew Milner who has had some books published and knows how to tell a story alot better than me,Andrew is writing the story from my notes i have sent him but also from some memories we shared as we grew up together and spent many years very close in many ways. It has given me a chance to remember so many things that have happened during the last 49 years of my life that i can't change some very good even happy experiences and some the exact opposite,the one thing it has given me is the chance to go back in time and try to work out so many things and answer some of the questions i have been asked but also questions i have been asking myself.
My sister Janette said something last year that i never knew and will try and quote verbatim what Janette said.... she said that she had known for years that i was Transgender and should have been a woman but it wasn't upto her to say anything and i would work everything out for myself when the time was right,Janette was right and i have known for longer than she has and have literally known for most of my life that i was a woman but with the wrong body due to a twist of fate that i doubt i will ever get to the bottom of,but i am happy knowing i have worked things out for myself now and living as the girl i have always been inside.
My best friend Kim tells me i am brave and she is not the only one,brave because i am living in my true gender or brave for another reason,i don't see myself as brave as i am not the first or the last person to do the same things as i have been and doing and there will be more than me in the future as for being brave.......thank you Kim what a lovely thing to say and pleased you think i am brave as for me i am doing nothing special or even that brave in my eyes,I just no longer want to live a lie or pretend to be someone i was never meant to be,to me trying to live as someone i wasn't and trying to be the opposite of who i am now and who i have always been took more bravery than living as the woman i was inside not just emotionally but in my brain my thoughts were never anything but female and feminine and trying to be a man was truly impossible for me,Being Angie being a woman being all girly and feminine is the most natural and easiest thing ever and never have to stop and think or watch what i am doing or saying even my gestures and body language all come very naturally.
There are also things that have not changed since i started living as my true self over a year ago,i still love certain sports and i am a Huddersfield Town fan,i have just bought myself some cars stickers and a new shirt which i have worn and had pictures taken whilst wearing,the car stickers help me spot which is my car in car parks if can't quite remember where i parked it and that could be less than an hour ago (yes my memory can be that bad at times)I loved playing football and would love to have the chance to play again one day soon,my position was Goalkeeper and i was never the tallest or fastest but as Tony Conlon said more than once and even last year i was the craziest and i still believe i have that craziness to play goalkeeper again but it's a position i enjoyed playing,i enjoy other sports like snooker pool even darts although snooker i have never been that good at and can never get used to the full size tables,as for pool i am more than ok and have been playing regular over the last couple of weeks and with some more practice i could be even better,as for darts i haven't had a set off darts in my hand for many years now yet i loved playing as and when.
There are many things that change for the better and have changed for the better since i started my transition,yet there are some things that have not changed and my hobbies and interests haven't changed too much i just hope that certain things don't change too much like my love of some sports even my enjoyment of driving will never change......
Lots of Love 
Angie 
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  

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