Questions questions questions

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Since I started my transition and even before that maybe even last December,when the counsellor I went to see told me she would refer me to the gender clinic if I wanted her to, made me finally stop and think about who I really was inside or more to the point accept who I was and stop running away or hiding even worse pretending to be someone I wasn't and was never comfortable or happy trying to be.
It's hard to put in to words or describe that light bulb moment, when faced with the truth everything makes sense the pieces starting fitting together perfectly in a way they had never done before..... yes it's true I have always known deep down inside that I should be a woman and but finally freeing myself to be the real true me who I have always been...... yes there were obvious signs which I truly did my best to try and hide......just over 20 years I made friends with a neighbour who I found out,had warned my then partner to be careful as I was gay in her words,when I asked her about that she told me my mannerisms were very feminine how I sat,held myself,my hand gestures,so many things I had never noticed before everything I did was just very natural for me,I wasn't gay but I was so feminine in many ways, i should have seen the telltale signs myself I was virtually living as a woman at that time as it was wearing make up,underwear and dressing fully everyday, like when came home from work I would shave do my make up and put nice skirt and top on and that was the only ever time I could be......being happy when fully dressed,back in 1995 mobile phones were just becoming popular there was no internet as such not like it is these days and doctors knew even less than they do now, which is still limited and doctors need the help of the transgender community to educate them in reading the signs or just listening to the patients who tell them they are transgendered.
Yes when someone asks how long have I known I will always answer...all my life but coming out to myself first isn't the easiest,my personal opinion is that it's hard enough or can be coming out to others but harder to come out to yourself first before coming out to anyone else, I had practiced what I was going to say to Helen at work so many times but when I told her everything I know all the practicing went out the window and just told her from my heart I may have surprised Helen but the friends I had got to know thru work, I don't believe that I surprised or shocked that many by my admission or when I came out to them,I had been known as the driver with the painted nails for over 4 months and I always had either acrylics or shellac and usually chose different colours for my nails,I had also started wearing make up regularly sometimes full make up other times mascara eyeshadow and lipstick, I had bought myself enough thick tights and Cuban heeled boots and more than enough underwear for at least 3 weeks, and that's what I wore every day under my uniform I had finally started feeling happier than I had ever done before and then going to work as woman for the first time,can be described in one word AMAZING I loved every minute the one down side it was freezing cold and windy my hair had been blown about,I just hope my hair wasn't a mess I didn't want the day to end the one down side changing battery on car at 0430 is not my idea of fun but it didn't spoil the day I had,I just waited for my second day at work as a woman to be more organised the next time and thankfully I had received a skirt from work instead of wearing my own,that was just over 6 months ago now and to see how I was on my very first day to how I am now, I can honestly say I have come along way in a short time and many things have changed for the better, yes I am a gay woman that's my sexuality who I am is Angie and that is who I have always been and who I will always be I don't want to go back,I am going forward and trying to push myself everyday I get knocked back every so often but I am stronger and happier than I have ever been,if I get knocked down I get back up even stronger and I have a fighting spirit inside me that was hidden before.....
I AM ME......I AM ANGIE.......... I AM THE WOMAN I SHOULD HAVE ALWAYS BEEN 
Love 
Angie 

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